Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
