okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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