I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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