I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
