margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
