dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
