mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
