i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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