Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hippo gnu deer
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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