New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
