Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
