I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
