it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
