why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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