last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
