So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
