just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
