Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize