He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
