So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Even my vagina gasped.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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