i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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