I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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