Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
