you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm sobbing to NWA
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
