i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
