girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
