I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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