How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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