i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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