hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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