Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
