It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize