I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
