it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
