the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
