Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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