Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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