I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize