yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize