So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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