The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
