remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Never let your siblings swipe right.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize