'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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