Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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