You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
