It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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