who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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