Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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