she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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