and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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