just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
