no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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