I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
