kristin has been a bad kristin
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
