Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
