Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
