Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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