He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
