Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
