Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
