help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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