Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
