He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
