Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize