I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
