Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
