Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
